If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
