I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
