these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
