Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
