I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
