Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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