The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
