YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
North Korea, Best Korea!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize