also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize