Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
