My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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