Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
