Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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