After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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