it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
