if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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