i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
