wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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