beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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