Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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