I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
