Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
