It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
