My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
