it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
