im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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