Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We left an ass print on the piano.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
