your thong is hanging out like whoa
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
