I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
