yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
