somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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