Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
