I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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