I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
