Nicole vs. Life
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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