We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
