My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize