dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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