My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
