At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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