Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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