I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
