There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
