Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
