drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
false alarm, still single
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
