even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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