Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
