you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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