He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
