just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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