Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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