Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
