i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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