I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
