That's intense
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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