So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
