found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
