there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
