Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
