My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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