we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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