She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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