life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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