remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
