I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
