Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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