You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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