I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
