My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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