I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
