Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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