so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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