im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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