so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
