Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
