Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
