sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
