If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize