omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
