I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
