Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
