Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
