I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
