My boss' voice literally gives me gas
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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