The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
