I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
