Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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