Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
