Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
