Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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