and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize