My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
