and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
