I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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