i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
