every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
